Self defense for women
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ery time I have helped in a demonstration
of self-defense, there is one person who
ALWAYS says, “But I could never do that
to anyone!” What they are thinking is, “I
couldn’t ever put someone’s eye out!” The
problem is, they aren’t thinking beforehand:
“Could I do that to stop someone else from
hurting me? From hurting someone I care
about?”
That’s the real question. When we are
talking about self-defense, we are NOT
talking about picking fights, walking up to
someone and beating them up, or what¬
ever -- we are talking about doing what you
have to, to stop someone else from hurting
you or someone you care about. It wasn’t
YOUR choice to be forced to defend your¬
self. The other person made their choice to
hurt you - but your body is YOURS, and
NO ONE has the right to control you -- to
hurt you. You DO have the right to do what¬
ever is needed to stop them from hurting
you.
The point isn’t to hurt the other guy, de¬
stroy him, or whatever else TV and movies
may tell you - the point is to stop them
from hurting you. Efficiently, with a mini¬
mum of effort, a maximum of effect, and a
minimum of danger to you and the people
you care about.
I really can’t emphasize enough how much
of self-defense is in the mind. Example, for you
women out there: Ever been at a party, or at a
bar, or at any place whatsoever when some guy
comes up to you and puts his arm around your
shoulders - and you didn’t like it?
What did you do? Did you stand there,
and laugh it off ~ but feel uncomfortable? Did you
try to slowly edge out from under it, or contrive
something so that maybe he would go away? Or
did you sit there, and take it, and try to be polite
and talk to the guy - even though you either
didn’t know him or didn’t like him -- and DEFI¬
NITELY didn’t want his hands on you?
There are a LOT of women who would say
the above has happened to them. And that those
were EXACTLY the way they reacted. Does it
make them feel good? No. Were they allowing
other people to presume upon them, to make
choices for them? Yes.
Is that normal? Yes. Unfortunately. Is it
right that women should have to do that? No.
That is YOUR body, those are HIS hands.
His hands do NOT belong on YOUR body unless
YOU choose to let them. But it is HARD for some
women to allow themselves to think that way
- everyone is trained to be polite, to not make
waves, to keep quiet and just deal with it.
It is ALL RIGHT to look the guy in the eye,
stand up straight, and say in a clear, FIRM tone:
“Get your hands off me.” You don’t have to be
belligerent, angry, homicidal -- you just have to be
certain. And 80% of the guys out there will imme¬
diately take their hands off you.
You don’t have to be scary about it ~ just
firm. And if you are, chances are that the guy will
take his hands off you, and you will STILL be able
to sit there and talk to him (if you want) or talk to
others -- because it didn’t make a scene.
But to do that, you need to understand that
your body is yours - and YOU make your own
choices. And that no one else has the right to do
that for you, without your permission.
But, unfortunately, some guys aren’t going
to listen the first time. For those who won’t listen
at all, I have some simple techniques for you to
use. However, many just need to be told again -
in a clearer way.
In 90% of situations, violence is not neces¬
sary. (And, in many situations that seem to have
incipient violence, 90% can be de-escalated. But
I digress.) It just means that you need to explain
yourself more clearly - and I do not mean by put¬
ting the person in the hospital.
If you are sitting down, stand up. If you are
standing, step to the side (not forwards or back¬
wards - sideways generally is easier to slip the
grasp) turn and face the person, and again, say
(louder, but again, don’t act angry or belligerent)
“I said once, take your hands off me. I will say it
one last time: take your hands off me.”
Most every guy at this point will do so.
Most guys aren’t complete idiots, they are just a
little thick sometimes.
The point here is simple: certitude and
voice tone can make all the difference. Being
able to trash someone in a fight is nice, but hey,
the best fighter in the world can slip on some
spilled beer and get murdered. But if you don’t
fight, that’s not likely, hmm? And notice -- the
women doesn’t seem “bitchy” or whatever nifty
word gets used by drunk guys who get turned
down. She just says no. Period.
Notice, in all of these cases, I’m talking
casual “attacks”. (Which is a hideous term - how
can an attack be “casual”?) However, sometimes
people get attacked, raped, beaten, murdered,
whatever, by people who deliberately set out to
do so. They catch you off-guard, and that’s it.
Boom. I can’t show you how to stop people like
that in three easy lessons. Later on, I can give
you some simple techniques to use -- and they
are effective. But they aren’t perfect - nothing is.
To truly defend yourself, you need to train, and
most people don’t have the time or inclination to
do so. (And in the end, even with training, you
can’t be 100% safe. It doesn’t work that way. But
you CAN increase your chances a thousandfold.)
The techniques I can tell you, and that you
could learn from a weekend seminar, will help
you get out of “casual” attacks, and the medium-
type attacks, where someone just gets out of
hand, or starts a fight, or is stupid and grabs you.
Even then, no training is perfect, and without
practice, no one gets good. But the most impor¬
tant part is still the mindset.
Just reading these won’t do you much
good. Practice with someone. Anyone. Even if
you only take 15 minutes once and try these
things out three times each - that’s something.
They are simple, and effective on anyone. But
to know what you are doing, you need to TRY
THEM. (I don’t mean go beat someone up -- I
mean practice with a friend. Sheesh. :) (And the
more you practice, the more chance you will have
when using them.
Simple Techniques for Self-De¬
fense
A few thoughts, first.
1) Disclaimer: Nothing works all the time, folks.
None of this stuff is guaranteed. You make your
own choices, and do what you decide. I’m not
telling you what to do. And if you practice with
a friend full-force like an idiot, what happens is
YOUR fault. Don’t be sorry. Be controlled. Don’t
be stupid. Think.
2) This stuff works (yes, I know what I said
above) but: a) you need to know when to use it,
b) you need to have the confidence to use it, and
c) sometimes, it just isn’t enough. People, like I
said, this little dabble won’t teach you to defend
yourself in all situations. If you want to know
how to do that, take a self-defense class, take a
martial art - but do something. Do NOT think that
just because you read this (or anything, for that
matter) that you can handle yourself in any situ¬
ation, because you “read that self-defense thing,
and know a couple moves”.
3) These techniques are for escape and eva¬
sion. There are other things you can do with
them, but the main idea here is to give yourself
some room to run, and some time to do it in.
Simple as that.
These are NOT for attack. These are nasty
~ that’s what makes them work. You do NOT
walk up to someone and just do any of these.
These are for defense.
Finally, one tactical thought: Women, if
a guy grabs you, where will you probably try to hit
him first?
I bet you said, “I’m going to kick him in the
groin. Of course.” Would like like to know the one
place you should NEVER attempt to first strike a
guy? The groin.
Why? Simple. Every guy in the world has
been kicked in the groin at least once -- and
he KNOWS that if a female gets mad at him,
that is the FIRST place she is going to try to hit.
Plus, every self-defense class in the world trains
people to kick the groin. And every guy out there
knows it. It’s a great target - for the second or
third shot. But not the first one -- he’s expecting it.
Standard Targets
There are certain points on the human
body where no matter how big you are, how
strong you are, or whatever, it STILL hurts to get
hit there. This is, of course, where we want to
strike. Here is a diagram (a VERY basic diagram)
of the human body. The red points are where you
want to strike.
Strike Points:
The nice things about these is that you
already know where they are, and what they do.
You’ve known since grade school. (You may not
admit this, but it’s true.) If you poke someone in
the eye, in the throat, hit them with a palm on the
bridge of the nose, strike to the groin, kick them
in the front or side of the knee - these will all
hurt, distract, whatever - and it works on every¬
one. None of these points are covered by muscle,
fat, whatever - size and condition does not mat¬
ter. The only thing that matters is how hard you
strike.
Striking eyes and throat:
Put index and third finger together, curl
others to palm. Do NOT hyper-extend your fin¬
gers, merely hold them rigid. Strike (think like a
spear) straightforward into the eye or right above
the hollow of the throat. Don’t strike directly into
the hollow - strike about 1/2 to 3/4 of an inch
above it. (Note: you can also strike these points
using only the thumb).
Bridge of the nose:
Hold out your hand, and spread your
fingers wide. This tightens the hand, and pushes
forward the palm side of the large knuckles. Feel
how hard they are? Push your hand forward and
strike with that area right below where the nose
joins the brow ridge - basically the center of the
nose.
Groin areas:
Many ways you can strike here: Knees,
feet, or hands.
Knees: If using a knee, simply bring it
upward as hard as you can - but think of the end
of your knee as a point -- and drive that point into
the groin. If your hands are free, before striking,
grab the attacker’s hips, and pull the attacker into
the strike as your drive the knee.
Feet: Simple. Bring your instep up into
your attackers groin. However, if you are too
close for that, but too far to use a knee, kicking
straight up and striking with the shinbone of your
leg works just fine also.
Hands: Swing your arm in a straight-arm
upward strike into the groin, either using an open-
hand palm strike, or a closed fist -- the closed
fist strikes just the same as the open palm strike,
except the fingers are curled - still a straight-arm
strike.
Striking the knees:
Striking the knee is something self-de¬
fense classes always teach, because it is a seri¬
ous weak point on the human body. However, it
can be harder than it sounds. If striking the front
of the knee (the kneecap) drive your HEEL for¬
ward into the kneecap, and drive it far forwards
- just tapping it won’t give you enough time to
1 * 1*1
Note: all of the knee attacks can be difficult
without practice - AND, you will be off balance
more than if you were using a hand technique.
So, they work - but practice them. Don’t try
something and fall over. That’s not a good thing.
Now, remember, the idea here is not to
destroy your attacker, beat him up and drag him
by his collar to the nearest police station. Your
mission here is to ESCAPE UNHARMED. That
is your goal. So, if you hit him once, and he’s
clutching his eyes and can’t see, then run. No
jsense staying around and
iving him time to recover,
ihmm?
You might have to
hit him a couple of times,
and do some serious dam-
jage - but as soon as you
Tnave a chance, GET AWAY.
That’s your goal. Get away
unharmed. Remember - all
you are doing is stopping
this person from harming
you. Do what is necessary,
then escape.
get away. If striking the side of the knee, there
are a couple of different ways to do it, but the
easiest (note: this is according to me) is to sweep
the INSIDE of your foot in a circular motion, strik¬
ing the side of the knee - and strike hard, again.
(That was for if you were standing in front of the
attacker.) If you are standing beside the attacker,
pick up your foot, and drive your heel sideways
and downward (at about a 45 degree angle) into
the side of his knee. Hard.
Martial Arts for Self-
defense
I think the martial arts
are great: I enjoy the ones
I do, I like the ones I see,
and I think that just about
every single martial art out
there has at least SOME
very good things about
it - if not a LOT of good
things about it. However, in
this section, we are talking
about martial arts for self-
defense purposes, which is a very specialized
thing - and not all martial arts have strengths in
this area.
Now, in general, all martial arts will help
you prepare to defend yourself, at least indirectly
- you will be in better shape, more flexible, more
able to withstand punishment, and have more
control over your body. These are all good things.
However, being a football player will do
much the same things. To me, for a martial art to
be a good self-defense art, it needs to do several
things:
* It must directly teach you simple, efficient
ways of dealing with common attacks.
* It needs to prepare you for eventualities
- meaning in class, you need to deal with the fact
that in self-defense, no matter what you do, there
is a chance (sometimes, a GOOD chance) that
you are going to get hurt.
* It needs to teach you when to react, when
NOT to react, and when to attempt to de-esca¬
late. (Some people might jump on me here - but
seriously folks, sometimes it is a complete waste
of time to attempt to de-escalate.)
* MOST IMPORTANTLY, it needs to teach
you the correct mindset to stand up for yourself,
be in control of yourself, and to have the self-con¬
fidence to know you are worth defending, which
allows you to do so.
* Also, (personal bias) since most people
who wish to learn self-defense will not stay in
the martial art for years and years, my opinion
is that the art should immediately start teach¬
ing basic self-defense, in the first few weeks of
class. (If you are going to advertise yourself at a
self-defense course, then students should start
learning that - as opposed to waiting to add the
self-defense curriculum until the student is “firmly
grounded in the basics” about 2 years down the
line.
I love Aikido, and think that Tai Chi is won¬
derful. However, are they good self-defense arts,
in my opinion, according to the criteria above?
Not really.
If you have taken Aikido or Tai Chi for 10
years, and practiced diligently, conscientiously,
and continually, and thought about what you
are doing with regards to self-defense, there is
a fairly good chance that you will be just about
untouchable. On the other hand, after one year?
No. The way those arts are taught, the general
mindset of the art and the things those arts em¬
phasize do not teach self-defense -- at least, not
right away.
And most people can’t wait 10 years to
learn to defend themselves. I highly recommend
both Aikido and Tai Chi - there are some VERY
important things you can learn from them. How¬
ever, immediate self-defense is not one of them.
Things to check
When attempting to find a martial art
that teaches self-defense, there are a couple of
simple things to look for. Each martial art is differ¬
ent, and moreover, each instructor teaches their
martial art differently -- so WTF Taekwondo
at one place might be completely different
than WTF TKD at another. You just have to
go take a look.
Attend a class - take a look. What do
you see happening?
Are people practicing practical self-de¬
fense?
Are people practicing reactions to common
self-defense situations? Or are they do¬
ing rote forms, practicing flying spin kicks,
or using archaic weapons that you could
never carry on the street? (Remember,
your point here is self-defense - you are
not looking for instructions on how to use
a halberd. If the art teaches that as well,
fine, but that is not the primary goal of your
search.)
Are the lower belts practicing simple, ef¬
ficient ways to deal with attackers?
Or is it just the higher belts who are work¬
ing on self-defense? Yes, all beginners
need to work on basics -- however, you
should ALSO see them working self-defense
techniques. After all, if you join, that is where you
are going to be -- and you are here to learn to
defend yourself.
Is the instructor teaching a mindset in ad¬
dition to the moves?
Can you see the instructor making sure
the students are understanding that they aren’t
learning to beat up on people, they are learning
to stop people from hurting them - and that it is
OK to do whatever is necessary to accomplish
that? (I’m not talking only about being able to
seriously damage someone here - I’m also talk¬
ing about the other end of the spectrum, so that
people who are being harassed, manhandled,
etc. -- but not directly VIOLENTLY attacked, know
how to deal with the situation - and are building
the self-confidence to do so.)
Optional, but a good idea: Does the martial
art (and the instructor) teach self-defense reac¬
tions in a way that makes sense to you?
Meaning, the way that particular martial
art reacts to an attack -- does that fit the way
your mind works? Do the reactions make intui¬
tive sense to you, in the style in which they work?
Does it fit the physical limitations of your body?
Example: 1) a very tiny person might become
VERY good at judo -- but won’t be able to do
much in the way of self-defense in only a year.
Size can make a difference.
“Size and strength don’t matter.”
NO. Sorry. It is true in a way, but not really.
Let’s explain that a little more clearly.
Size and strength don’t matter - true, yes,
provided:
Provided you take your martial art, practice
it diligently and accurately, for an extended time.
Provided you understand the difference between
street situations and class situations, self-defense
and point sparring, and provided you learn the
self-defense mindset.
If that is true, than yes - when you are a
4th or 5th degree black belt, it won’t matter how
big your opponent is, really. (Unless they ALSO
are a 5th degree. Then it might matter, but not
necessarily.)
And yes, for certain techniques it doesn’t
matter how big or strong the other person is.
Poke them in the eye, jab them in the throat,
lock back the knee, etc. -- size won’t matter. So
people aren’t lying when they tell you size doesn’t
matter. Not necessarily.
But don’t believe it never matters.
When you are just starting out, it mat¬
ters. When you’ve only been doing it awhile,
it matters. When you are sparring people in
your martial arts class, it matters.
I wish it wasn’t true, (since I’m 5’8” and
140 pounds) but a big guy (or girl) has a definite
advantage in most fights. That’s simply how it
is. If you take two people who have been taking
the same martial art for about 6 months, and put
them in a fight, MOST LIKELY, the bigger guy is
going to win. You put a 6’4”, 220 pound street
thug up against a 5’2”, 110 pound female yellow
belt in a streetfight, the guy has the advantage.
Obviously.
Though that doesn’t mean he is going
to win.
A good big guy, in general, will beat a good
small guy up to a certain point of experience and
knowledge. Beneath five years (and actually way
beyond that, but I don’t want to dishearten you
too much) size makes a difference.
Size does matter -- and so you have to
adjust your techniques to your situation. If I’m
fighting against a guy twice my strength and size,
I’m NOT going to try punching him in the chest.
(Which I really wouldn’t do anyway, it’s fairly
useless, though it looks cool in movies.) I’m also
definitely NOT going to stand there and attempt
to trade punches with him. I’m not going to use
strength moves, I’ll use soft tissue techniques
(no matter how strong you are, your muscles
will NOT cover the trachea) and I will NOT close
with him until I have him stunned or off balance,
because if he grabs me, I’m in trouble. (Not dead,
not yet, but if he’s that much stronger, even if he’s
an idiot, he can do serious damage.)
A small person can defend themselves
against a big person. But it’s an uphill battle,
make no mistake. The trick to winning is fairly
simple: Be smarter, and be nasty.
A big person (mostly, but not all) has relied
on their size to get by - most people don’t need
much more than that to win, especially the type of
person who would attack you on the street. And
since you can’t beat them at size, you have to
beat them at BRAINS. Because if you don’t, you’ll
get killed.
In martial arts, it ISN’T about size or
strength - it’s about using your brain to make
your body do what you tell it to, effectively. In self-
defense, the application of martial arts is simple:
Do what is necessary to keep yourself from being
hurt. What that means against bigger people is
simple - you are probably going to have to up¬
grade the seriousness of your techniques, and go
for soft tissue (fairly damaging) targets instead of
simple disables. Because your margin for error
just went down -- a big guy hits harder than a
small guy.
So the ending conclusion? In time, size
won’t really matter. But no matter what, you must
still keep it in mind, because even if it doesn’t
matter, it still makes a difference. (And in the be¬
ginning, it matters, too.)
Do You Need a Weapon?
Most martial arts experts agree an armed
fighter almost always has the advantage over the
unarmed fighter - even if the unarmed person is
proficient in empty hand self-defense.
One obvious lesson is to avoid any con¬
flict against armed opponents. The other is that
maybe you should consider carrying a weapon. Is
this an option for you?
What if you are absolutely against using
weapons of any kind? There are a number of
choices you can make in the “non-lethal” catego¬
ry. Some of these items receive heavy promotion
and they seem like they should work. Unfortu¬
nately, many of them don’t work at all and can’t
really be considered weapons.
On the other end of the force spectrum,
some self-defense weapons - like high-
power rifles or combat knives - might not
be the best choice for you either. Surpris¬
ingly, your choices will mostly come down
to three types of weapons; impact weap¬
ons, edged weapons or projectile weapons.
Rule of Thumb
Still you ask yourself, do I need a weapon?
The rule of thumb is that you should use a
weapon to defend against another weapon.
In other words, you employ deadly force to
protect yourself from deadly force. Defend¬
ing yourself from someone with a weapon
with only empty hand techniques could be
the most challenging task advanced fight¬
ers will ever undertake. For the average
citizen, it is almost entirely catastrophic.
For me, I think of weapons like my spare
tire in my car. Of course I hope I never
have to use it, but I want it with me when I
drive.
Considerations
There are a number of considerations
when choosing a weapon:
Practicality. How useful is it? Can you
carry it with you? It would be difficult these
days to carry a six-foot staff to work, on the
bus or in your car. On the other hand, fire-
arms are portable and more powerful than other
weapons.
Expertise. How well can you use it?
Effectiveness. Tear gas may be effective
for some situations while firearms may be effec¬
tive for others.
Concealment and carry. Your weapon
won’t do you any good if it’s not with you. (A rea¬
son why empty hand expertise is so important,
you are never without your natural weapons. Also
a good reason for working with improvised weap¬
ons.)
Intimidating effects. Certain weapons, a
shotgun for example, may produce enough shock
value to make your opponent think twice about
attacking. Although, it would be hard to imagine
anyone who would not be intimidated by any sort
of firearm.
Generally, weapons fall into a few broad catego¬
ries.
Impact weapons are those used primar¬
ily for striking. This category includes night stick,
ashtrays and beer mugs. You can also put flexible
weapons like nunchaku and chains here. They
are really a type of impact weapon, but their real
advantage lies in the tremendous power gener¬
ated by centrifugal force.
Edged weapons are obviously those
designed to cut, slash or stab. Knives, swords,
machetes and broken glass are included here.
Projectile weapons are anything that is
propelled across a space allowing to reach an
opponent without actually having to be in touch¬
ing range. This includes firearms, crossbows, air
tasers, and pepper spray.
Below are some weapons with which you should
be familiar and some which you should forget:
Pepper Spray/Teargas/Mace: This is a great
weapon that easy to use and that you can carry
with you at all times.
Baton/Night stick: This is a good impact weap¬
on if you have the training, but how many of you
will go out and become proficient with a night
stick. Warning: if you use your baton just like a
hammer or a club you’ll probably have it taken
away from you. What you will want to consider
is one of the heavy, ‘C’-cell police flashlight from
Maglight.
Handgun: Probably the single most equalizing
weapon anyone can possess. There is a plethora
of information surrounding firearms. There are
continuing and raging debates about effective¬
ness of different calibers, makes of weapons and
so forth. Don’t be intimidated. Educate yourself. A
female firearms instructor named Paxton Quigley
has a great book out called Armed and Female
which is simply outstanding. Another great book
on the subject is Massad Ayoob’s In the Grav¬
est Extreme. Both cover all you’ll need to know
about this weapon. Get good advice and test fire
a number of handguns until you find one you like.
A super important point here ~ Don’t let anyone
talk you into a more powerful handgun than you
are comfortable with. If you feel anxious with
your weapon you won’t practice. And if you don’t
practice, you won’t be competent. And if you’re
not competent...
Shotgun: The 12 gauge shotgun has been
called by Massad Ayoob the most destructive
device a civilian can own short of a hand gre¬
nade. If you are smaller, a 12 gauge might be too
much to handle and even a 20 gauge still kicks
a lot. There are a number of 410 gauge models
that you might feel comfortable with. You should
consider this weapon for home defense, but you
won’t be able to carry it with you anywhere else.
Rifle: Typically a modern rifle is overpowered for
most urban self-defense scenarios. A rapid firing
.22 rifle can be a good weapon. If you live in a
rural environment, rifles are probably the ultimate
“reach out and touch someone” device.
Knife: Knife fighting is a particularly savage form
of combat. A knife is such a lethal weapon that
just flailing away with a kitchen knife can produce
dramatic results. I have met some very proficient
and very deadly knife fighters. However, for the rest of us mere mortals, I would not recommend tak¬
ing up knife fighting -- your handgun is about the same size as a fighting knife and you don’t even
have to get close to your attacker to use it. Plus there is an old saying that you “don’t want to take a
knife to a gunfight.”
Key Chain/Key Spike: This looks good and even sounds like a good weapon. These are the long
chains which you put your keys on or those key rings with the spikes which come out between your
knuckles. Unfortunately, the chain is hard to control unless you have previous experience with flex¬
ible weapons. The spikes which come from between your fingers are only effective if you have a good
punch. My recommendation would be to pass on both unless you are working on serious martial arts
skills.
Stun gun: This, too, looks like it would be very threatening and would require very little strength to
use. In reality, however, you have to hold it against someone in an unprotected area. The small con¬
sumer stun guns don’t do much more than sting real bad. Don’t believe the ads that say it will instant¬
ly drop an attacker to his knees.
Improvised weapons: Environmental weapons can be found everywhere. You just have to open
your mind to recognizing them. Basically, if you can smash somebody with it, cut somebody with it or
launch it at someone, you’ve found yourself a weapon.
Improvised weapons can include: pen/pencil, beer bottle/mug, ashtray, hammer, chair, scis¬
sors, screwdriver/ice pick, pipe/club, shovel. You might even consider throwing rocks if you can.
Don’t laugh. One bouncer claims someone hurling ashtrays like frisbees in one club in which he
worked wreaked incredible damage to innocent bystanders and property as well.
Weapons are Part of Your Self-Defense System
When you are required to physically defend yourself or your loved ones, you have to have a full spec¬
trum of options. This will most likely progress from empty-handed techniques to an impact weapons,
to an edged weapon and then, finally, to a firearm. I don’t know of any martial artist who advocates
NEVER using a weapon
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